Reasons to harm yourself

Sometimes depressed feelings just well up inside you, making your life an unbearable stress. This stress may become so bad that you feel that the only way you can let people notice it is by doing something very definite - like trying to hurt yourself.

Although you don't have to have a reason, problems that most commonly trigger this are

• parent trouble
• parents breaking up
• school work being too hard
• worrying you're going to fail your exams
• worrying you won't get a job
• relationship problems with boyfriend or girlfriend
• arguments with friends

Interestingly enough, many, many more people (especially girls) do something to hurt themselves rather than actually commit suicide. It is frequently a desperate call for help. Boys aren't so good at making that statement and tend to bottle it - and so have a higher rate of actual suicide than girls.

One sort of self-harm which is especially common in girls (but also happens in boys) is called 'cutting'. This is where you feel you've got to scratch or cut your arms with scissors, knifes, razor blades or pins. It seems to come out of deep and complicated feelings of anguish, fear and hate for yourself. However, in another way it appears to help people keep going at times when they feel that they wouldn't otherwise be able to cope with life. It almost becomes a ritual to cut yourself when things get really desperate.

Cutting seems to be linked with finding it hard to express yourself in talking to other people. But at the same time it does have the effect of drawing attention to yourself and your frustrated emotional needs. Girls who cut themselves describe an overwhelming feeling of anger and frustration, and they say that cutting themselves somehow lets out this anger and frustration.

'There seems to be no other way. I can't cry or anything, and yelling and screaming draws too much attention to these feelings. Once I have cut myself then I've let it all out and it's over with'

Once again, the way to get help with this is to try and talk about your feelings about it to someone who is close to you and whom you trust. Other tips are to have a list of alternatives to do when you feel like cutting yourself - ring a friend, do some cooking or go for a walk, a swim, a run - any sort of exercise. All these things can act a distraction and stop the desperate urge to cut.

Back...